Subtle Domme

You were made for me

Your hopes and dreams revolve around me

Your existence has no purpose without me

I can take you there I can make you come your only pleasure is me

The fire that burns deep in your soul is is ignited by me

I’m your source of raging passion you can never escape you’re forever my slave forever held by me

I can use you abuse you and you will still thank me and beg more from me

You’re forever mine bound by my will, you follow like religion

I am your Queen your Master your Messiah what I say is law

Kneel before me beg to please me worship the ground I walk on

Sweet Despair

The pain I feel is as constant as the sunrise and in a way I am the sun beautiful but get too close it burns away all the beauty and all is left is a damaged bare soul

Nothing will be left of us but a hurtful memory

I got so accustomed to losing myself in others and finding myself all alone with nothing but my tears to sooth my aching heart

The scars I create to numb my emotions are now just a reminder of how unhappy I am

Love, Lust and Trust

You haunt my very existence if I could escape I would but I’m forever bound by you

Your touch imprinted on my soul

Everything you do makes me want you more

Your aura is my prison what hurts me is your feelings of another

How I wish I can make your soul mine like how you’ve owned me

All I can do is be paralysed in my own fantasy

Blurred lines

Hello Beauties

Relationships in general are not easy as you’re bound to deal with a person other than yourself. As a person you have to know your self worth. How you treat yourself is basically how people you let into your life are going to treat you. For instance if you don’t value or respect yourself, people won’t see you as important or give you the respect you think you deserve.

I decided to call this article blurred lines because the line between BDSM and abuse is quite a thin one. I feel like this is going to help people that might think they are into BDSM, those who might not know how the other side of their sexuality might affect their partners. If a person does not try to understand themselves sexually they are more likely to hurt their partners unintentionally. For instance they might be into kinky foreplay like humiliation and spanking which might be considered as abuse by the other party therefore communication is vital. In that case it will be because there was no communication or consent before hand as your partner will not understand where its coming from.

People that practice BDSM live by a code: safe, sane and consensual. Educating oneself in the art of BDSM and also communication to their partners is important. Abuse can creep into a BDSM relationship and go unnoticed for a while until it manifests into an ugly affair. Being kinky is okay, it’s actually recommended but if you notice that it’s having a negative impact on your partner you are supposed to stop and look for other means to practice it in your relationship. To people that practice BDSM the dominant is known to take care of the submissive emotionally as well as physically and in turn the submissive will be there for the dominant in anyway they can the relationship has to be healthy. It is not recommended for the Dominant to punish the submissive while angry because it might result in severe injuries or a traumatic experience which might last for a lifetime.

As a submissive you have to be well educated on how to carry yourself as well as to be well versed with the safe, sane and consensual guidelines. If anything happens that can make you uncomfortable you have the right to speak up and address the issue. Being denied of that opportunity is undeniably the biggest red flag you would ever get to get out of the relationship.

In my experience, abuse came from both sides making it a dangerous, toxic relationship. Our relationship wasn’t great to be honest and it got worse when I was introduced to BDSM. The more I researched about BDSM the more I realised I wasn’t weird, I just yearned for something different sexually. I found out there was more to being with someone and for the first time ever I felt normal for I could now explain my urges and welcomed the idea of venturing into it. I identify myself as a submissive as I always feel the need to be controlled or punished when I do something wrong, but most of all I love pain and emotional torture. I don’t know how or why yet. My partner at the time thought we should incorporate the BDSM lifestyle into our relationship and that is when I discovered my need of pain for pleasure. He was not really into giving out pain or practice any BDSM, he only liked the idea in theory but could not engage himself in practicing it.

I remember a time when he hit me out of pure anger. In my mind I knew it was extremely wrong but the kinky side of me liked how it was raw, intense and real other than the role-playing vibe. We had sex after that and in my mind it was exactly what I was looking for. I overruled my sanity with craziness. I let it happen for a while because I knew how to provoke him to a point where he would hit me and then would have sex afterwards. I would provoke him in a way that made him question his manhood or I would flirt with someone else to make him feel like he had lost control over his life and of me. I would wait till he was tipsy to emotionally torture him until his reaction turned violent to dominate me and the situation. I knew it was abuse, but abuse I welcomed with open arms. His personality changed when he drank as he became more assertive and controlling, qualities I love in a dominant.

In many cases the abuser always wants to feel power over someone and in control. They feel like the person’s sole purpose is just to do with as they please. If you strip that away they resort to the only kind of dominance that makes sense to them which is forcing someone to submit to their will.

There is a reason why the BDSM community has the safe, sane and consensual code. A lot of things can go sideways in an instant and it can end up in death or a horrible injury. We parted ways because we both realised how toxic our relationship was and how it was getting out of hand. If you’re in an abusive relationship in general just find the courage to get out. It’s not always easy to leave because the abuser would have emotionally conditioned you to feel like you can’t do anything without them. It is up to you to find strength within yourself to walk away.

The journey to self discovery is not an easy one but if you embark on it you’ll start noticing changes within yourself. You become more considerate of others but not in a way that will affect you negatively. I encourage people to test out their limits, to discover new ways to make themselves happy but not at the expense of others.

Boudoir Secrets

After my sexy self love post I’ve been struggling to come up with a post, I’m not saying I didn’t have great articles to post but I didn’t feel deeply connected to them. In my first post I wrote about accepting yourself for who you are flaws and all. That is really hard to do from my experience, to try look at yourself in your own eyes not how you think the world sees you. How do you block out the world? especially when the world’s view now seems like your own. How do you make yourself appreciate what you see from within? You discover that your own voice is the most critical mirroring that of the world.

Amidst all that you are able to get comfortable with yourself, enough to lounge around in lingerie or with your naked self until something triggers all the uncertainty back. How do you block out the world’s bullshit? Like it or not the outside world can affect your mood. Being at peace with yourself and being at peace with the world around you are two different things. Hard to do but possible. That’s when Boudoir comes in play with its intimate nature. Boudoir simply means private room; it encourages you to be comfortable with yourself and celebrate yourself. Celebrating how unique you’re is the first step in blocking out negativity around you. Celebrating your body’s every curve, dip and mark. Boudoir’s nature is intimate- it makes you see yourself in a different light, it makes you unearth the Goddess buried deep inside of you. Being different is okay.

I read about boudoir photography prior to my scheduled shoot. All articles were testimonials on how it was life changing and how it encourages body positivity. My experience with boudoir photography was not what I expected. With me it had a slow build up, I felt awkward on my first shoot I’m usually a confident person but that day I felt uncomfortable and unsure. I remember asking myself what I had gotten myself into, “you’re not a model how will you ever get the poses right?” my voice of doubt shouted at me. So as I got ready I kept telling myself I could do it and I imagined myself how my pictures would come out. Being face to face with the camera was an emotional battle. It’s easy to be comfortable alone its a whole new thing when you’re facing a camera and a photographer behind it.

I felt exposed despite his attempt of making me feel comfortable. I eventually let loose when the music started playing and was trying to channel my inner sexiness. I decided on doing a studio boudoir session because I wanted to do a test shoot. To see if I’m photogenic or not (I worry about every single thing- nerves get the better of me) and to be in an intimate environment with no distractions just me. Yes it’s unusual as boudoir is usually done with lovely sensual props.

After my boudoir shoot I had to look at my pictures. I don’t want to lie I was very critical of what I saw. I couldn’t help point out what didn’t look good; which was a lot, and I hated most of the pictures. I appreciated myself just that my body could be better. So I scheduled for another shoot before I left. I was determined to make myself fit and be a better version of myself.

Sexy self love

As a simple shy girl lingerie is a bit daunting to me, because generally it represents the epitome of a sexified confident woman that oozes sex appeal wherever she goes. That is the kind of confidence I admire and want to attain. As I started this lingerie journey I’ve discovered that there is so much more to lingerie, in terms of what it represents, to how it should fit, how to take care of it the history and the science to it all. I recently noticed an up rise of a lot of lingerie brands and other brands in general pushing body positivity motos (#loveyourself kind of vibes).

Where does the self love journey begin and how do you go about it? I personally think it starts when you are in your most vulnerable state when you are alone naked and standing in front of the mirror. How you react and how you start to think about yourself will pave way to your self love journey because it all starts by being comfortable in your own company.
Being able to have a conversation with yourself and starting that journey as it will make you rediscover yourself. Don’t look at yourself and find what you think are your flaws but instead focus on, telling yourself how beautiful you are it might sound cliché but it works, make it a mantra. This is difficult to do as we have embedded all the media’s preferred body types into our subconsciousness.

Start looking at lingerie as your amour as it automatically makes you feel sexier.
Lingerie is full of misconception but in actual fact lingerie should be for yourself. Feel comfortable.
Seduce and flirt with yourself. Make yourself laugh.
So like everything else, you have to start small and make small changes to assure yourself of a stable growth path, one that won’t make you feel overwhelmed.
First we are going to take a look at black lingerie. It is bold and subtle, it also exudes comfortability and confidence. It holds the power to highlight and contour your body, according to what you want to accentuate and defocus on your body ( this applies to swimsuits too).
Black is a lovely colour, it is not an intimidating start to your lingerie collection. It just boosts your confidence and sensuality in a subtle way.

Here are some links to help you understand the emotional connection to lingerie and how black is just an awesome kickass colour.

Black as a kickass colour
https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2016/01/11-reasons-why-women-who-wear-all-black-are-never-to-be-messed-with

Lingerie empowerment
https://www.yourtango.com/experts/debra-smouse/tap-your-inner-sex-kitten-fabulous-lingerie