After my sexy self love post I’ve been struggling to come up with a post, I’m not saying I didn’t have great articles to post but I didn’t feel deeply connected to them. In my first post I wrote about accepting yourself for who you are flaws and all. That is really hard to do from my experience, to try look at yourself in your own eyes not how you think the world sees you. How do you block out the world? especially when the world’s view now seems like your own. How do you make yourself appreciate what you see from within? You discover that your own voice is the most critical mirroring that of the world.
Amidst all that you are able to get comfortable with yourself, enough to lounge around in lingerie or with your naked self until something triggers all the uncertainty back. How do you block out the world’s bullshit? Like it or not the outside world can affect your mood. Being at peace with yourself and being at peace with the world around you are two different things. Hard to do but possible. That’s when Boudoir comes in play with its intimate nature. Boudoir simply means private room; it encourages you to be comfortable with yourself and celebrate yourself. Celebrating how unique you’re is the first step in blocking out negativity around you. Celebrating your body’s every curve, dip and mark. Boudoir’s nature is intimate- it makes you see yourself in a different light, it makes you unearth the Goddess buried deep inside of you. Being different is okay.
I read about boudoir photography prior to my scheduled shoot. All articles were testimonials on how it was life changing and how it encourages body positivity. My experience with boudoir photography was not what I expected. With me it had a slow build up, I felt awkward on my first shoot I’m usually a confident person but that day I felt uncomfortable and unsure. I remember asking myself what I had gotten myself into, “you’re not a model how will you ever get the poses right?” my voice of doubt shouted at me. So as I got ready I kept telling myself I could do it and I imagined myself how my pictures would come out. Being face to face with the camera was an emotional battle. It’s easy to be comfortable alone its a whole new thing when you’re facing a camera and a photographer behind it.
I felt exposed despite his attempt of making me feel comfortable. I eventually let loose when the music started playing and was trying to channel my inner sexiness. I decided on doing a studio boudoir session because I wanted to do a test shoot. To see if I’m photogenic or not (I worry about every single thing- nerves get the better of me) and to be in an intimate environment with no distractions just me. Yes it’s unusual as boudoir is usually done with lovely sensual props.
After my boudoir shoot I had to look at my pictures. I don’t want to lie I was very critical of what I saw. I couldn’t help point out what didn’t look good; which was a lot, and I hated most of the pictures. I appreciated myself just that my body could be better. So I scheduled for another shoot before I left. I was determined to make myself fit and be a better version of myself.